we have pet lesbian snakes
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
