My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
