I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
