i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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