we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
