Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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