I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
