Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
