I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
