Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
