you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
