How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
