I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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