dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
