You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
