sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
