I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
