6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
