Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
