So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
