I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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