Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
