Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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