Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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