break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
