You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
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I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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