oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
