This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
