i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
