i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
