Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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