Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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