I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
