i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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