im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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