how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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