FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
