i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
