im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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