If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize