I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
