sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
