i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
