Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
