I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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