What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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