I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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