literally had 100 drinks last night.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
