Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
