You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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