living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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