sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
