Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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