just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
