haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
