I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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