I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
