i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
