So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
