the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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