I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
