I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
