Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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