A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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