Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
