Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
