i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
