Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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