Can i not drive my cunt home
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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