SEEEEXXX PLEASE
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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