I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
