he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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