All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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