fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
