It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
