I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
