I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
