If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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