I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
