Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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