I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
