My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
