Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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